Andy, I found this document in my files (of course while I was looking for something else).  It apparently was a Xerox copy because it had been stored in a plastic sleeve and as you know in the old days toner and plastic didn't always get along.  So the first page was smudged and when I scanned it in my OCR algorithm didn't quite understand it. 

I typed in the cover sheet on the next page; the body of the document came out pretty well with only a few OCR glitches.  It didn't recognize % signs and smudged apostrophes' it took as "T" etc.  The body of the document scanned pretty well and I think I have made all the corrections.  Therefore if you find anything that seems odd you will have to decide if it is Dick's unique use of the language (any language) or a glitch in the OCR interpretation I didn't catch.
 I know you will enjoy it. We always did in the past.  What value it has in today's society or you circumstances is your decision.

Milt Pearson 10-09-2011

                                                                        1978  Edition


              This work is intended as protection for the
              unwary and the newcomer, and for the
              edification of the rational members of the school's

             All items are the results of the author's
              personal experience and/or direct observation.
              Any similarity to actual persons or circumstances
              is purely intentional.

              To those who take a burn: the author is not
               responsible for your guilty conscience.
                                                             Richard Norman

ANYTIME YOU SAY                        At my convenience

ASSESSING THE SITUATION         I don't know what to do about It.

ASSIST                                                 See HELP OUT

ASSISTANT                                        One who assists     See HELP OUT

BAD ATTITUDE                               Related to "stubborn" and "unco-operative", a descriptive term
                                                             applied   to an unfrocked good- fellow, or to one who Is not
                                                             properly sub- servient to a petty tyrant. See GOODFELLOW

BORROW                                           A combination of theft and perjury

BUDGET                                            The accounting of funds that are chronically non- existant until
                                                             one week before the end of the fiscal year. Then oodles of money
                                                             are suddenly discovered and have to be spent at once.

BUSINESS TRIP                                Extra vacation with pay and a swindle sheet

CHANNEL                                         A chain of command created to stifle intelligent progress.

COMMITTEE                                     (1) An entrenched body of people dedicated to consuming the
                                                             time of others with totally irrelevant busy-work (2) A group of
                                                            people hastilyand haphazardly formed after encountering a
                                                            problem and before applying the standard procedure.    See
                                                            PROBLEM (3) A group commissioned, but deliberately
                                                            unconvened, in an attempt to givea a steamrolled decision an aura
                                                            of democratic respectability (4.) A group whose function is to
                                                            rubber stamp decisions of higher authority

COMPROMISE                                  Capitulation

CONSULT                                         To give counsel at a safe distance from home base, for a fee that
                                                            would embarrass a car salesman.

CONSULTANT                                One who learns enough of a business with the owner's help so that
                                                            he can appear knowledgeable when he sells his services to the

CONSULTING                                 A profitable sideline which takes preference over the activities for
                                                           whichone is ostensibly employed, Tenure makes It honest.    See

CO-OPERATE                                 (1) What you should do for my convenience and benefit, (2)
                                                          Unquestioned, absolute obedience

COORDINATE                               You do all the work
DEDICATED                                   A term of approbation for a person who gives up his personal and
                                                          family life putting forth his best efforts for the benefit of others who
                                                          neither deserve nor appreciate it. He Is also expected to accept less
                                                          compensation for his labors than non-dedicated persons.

DON'T MAKE WAVES                 A thinly veiled threat, encountered when one discloses that he is
                                                         wise to some questionable, unethical or crooked circumstance. It
                                                          means, "Don't spoil my racket;"

EASY                                               See SIMPLE

EMERGENCY                                (1) A transparent plea to justify convenience for one by
                                                          inconvenience to another, A much overworked and abused tern; a
                                                          single-word supplication assumed to guarantee a license to use other
                                                          people. (2) The natural  consequence of mixing procrastination and
                                                          willful stupidity (3) A condition manufactured by some malignant
                                                          bastard so that he can feed his warped ego on the sight of somebody
                                                          of worth having to jump through hoops in a situation that he
                                                          deliberately manipulated.

ENGLISH                                       The official language of the United States. It has a peculiarity, in that
                                                        among the Intelligentsia, even the most basic, blunt, and vehement
                                                        form does not register when the recipient chooses otherwise,

FACULTY                                     Adults, at least physically, occupying the positions and taking the pay
                                                        of  college professors, 20% of whom do 80% of the work, and 80%
                                                        of whom do 100% of the complaining.

FALL GUY                                    A necessary slot in an organization. It falls to him to Implement
                                                        decisions that are made with no regard for reality, and to take the
                                                        brunt when they backfire.

FREE                                              It's worth exactly what It costs

GIFT                                               An article donated for the purpose of tax write-off by the donor. It
                                                        becomes obvious why it is a gift when you attempt to use It.  See

GOODFELLOW                            One who will hold still for a routine hosing, Status is lost upon
                                                         failure to properly appreciate It

HELP OUT                                     You do 90% of the work. Somebody else gets 100% of the credit.

I'LL BRING IT RIGHT BACK      I'll bring It back If and when I get damned good and ready.  See   

INDEPENDENT STUDY             A student pursues a line of inquiry of his own Interest for credit
                                                        under the guidance of a professor, who, after accepting the
                                                        responsibility, makes a fast lateral pass transferring the actual work to
                                                        another professor.  See WE

JOB DESCRIPTION                     A pretty piece of fiction. When you try to adhere to It, you are In big
                                                        trouble, yet you are held accountable to it.

KANGAROO                                A reprehensible but prevalent practice, by people incapable of honest
                                                       deed or thought. A sure way ,to get kangarood is to say the truth.  See

LOAN                                            To allow the temporary use of an object by the party from whom it
                                                       was stolen In the first place

MEETING                                    (1) An instrument of torture designed to punish the Industrious. A
                                                      marathon of excruciating boredom. (2) A hypothetical residence of
                                                      one whose secretary will front for him (3) A gathering to
                                                      democratically settle issues in agreement with previous decisions of
                                                      privy council

NO PROBLEM                            Contraction of THAT'S NO PROBLEM

NO SWEAT                                 See THAT'S NO PROBLEM

OLD BUDDY                              One who had better keep his back to the wall See GOODFELLOW

PRIORITY                                   A term used by one who tries to convince others that he warrants
                                                      special privilege.  See EMERGENCY, RUSH JOB

PROBLEM                                  Any difficulty. Its future solution is universally assured by the simple
                                                     expedient of putting a name on paper.

RESEARCH                               (l) A year or so of hell week to entitle one to join the fraternity, to the
                                                    detriment of potentially useful lines of scholastic endeavor (2) An
                                                    unearned penance Imposed by power without principle (3) A program
                                                    designed to make faculty look good on somebody else's effort.
                                                    Academic cancer

RUSH JOB                                 A job of alleged paramount importance that must be done right now. It
                                                    supersedes all other rush jobs, and of course, it will itself in turn be
                                                    superseded. See EMERGENCY

SIMPLE                                      An attribute of a task given by one who hasn't tried it

STAFF CHAIRMAN                (1) Whipping boy for the machinations of higher authority. The
                                                   nominees turn in the barrel. Copremia Is an occupational hazard. It is
                                                   inconceivable that anyone In his right mind would want the job, much
                                                   less live in paranoid fearof losing it. (2) A natural niche for a power-mad
                                                   petty tyrant (3) A self-anointed tin god that requires periodic human

STUDY TRIP                           Academic business trip.  See BUSINESS TRIP

TAKE A LOOK AT IT            It Is already decided that you will have to do it, somehow

TENURE                                  Academic welfare

THAT'S NO PROBLEM         A reassuring statement by a high authority who has no knowledge of the
                                                   Inherent complexities of the situation

TRIVIAL                                  See SIMPLE

TRUTH                                    The attribute of a blatantly obvious state of affairs that must not be said
                                                  out loud, or horror of horrors, put in print

URGENT                                 See PRIORITY

VOLUNTEER                         Same as military definition

WE                                           A term used when one volunteers work for another

WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY FOR...         (l) An excuse for not doing something that the
                                                                              administration  doesn't like (2) The preface to a scheme
                                                 in which the thing is to be done anyway, operating on the principle that if
                                                 enough other people are inconvenienced, it will get done, somehow (3)
                                                We do have the money, but it is kept hidden so that it can be miraculously
                                                "found" at a time that affords the most credit to the administrator.

WE'LL CONSIDER IT          Within 48 hours It will be re-Issued as -   -  my idea