Andy, I found this document in my files (of course while I was looking for something else). It apparently was a Xerox copy because it had been stored in a plastic sleeve and as you know in the old days toner and plastic didn't always get along. So the first page was smudged and when I scanned it in my OCR algorithm didn't quite understand it.
I typed in the cover sheet on the next page; the body of the document came out pretty well with only a few OCR glitches. It didn't recognize % signs and smudged apostrophes' it took as "T" etc. The body of the document scanned pretty well and I think I have made all the corrections. Therefore if you find anything that seems odd you will have to decide if it is Dick's unique use of the language (any language) or a glitch in the OCR interpretation I didn't catch.
I know you will enjoy it. We always did in the past. What value it has in today's society or you circumstances is your decision.
Milt Pearson 10-09-2011
NORMAN'S DICTIONARY OF PHOTO DEPARTMENT LANGUAGE
This work is intended as protection for the
unwary and the newcomer, and for the
edification of the rational members of the school's
All items are the results of the author's
personal experience and/or direct observation.
Any similarity to actual persons or circumstances
is purely intentional.
To those who take a burn: the author is not
responsible for your guilty conscience.
ANYTIME YOU SAY At my convenience
ASSESSING THE SITUATION I don't know what to do about It.
ASSIST See HELP OUT
ASSISTANT One who assists See HELP OUT
BAD ATTITUDE Related to "stubborn" and "unco-operative", a descriptive term
applied to an unfrocked good- fellow, or to one who Is not
properly sub- servient to a petty tyrant. See GOODFELLOW
BORROW A combination of theft and perjury
BUDGET The accounting of funds that are chronically non- existant until
one week before the end of the fiscal year. Then oodles of money
are suddenly discovered and have to be spent at once.
BUSINESS TRIP Extra vacation with pay and a swindle sheet
CHANNEL A chain of command created to stifle intelligent progress.
COMMITTEE (1) An entrenched body of people dedicated to consuming the
time of others with totally irrelevant busy-work (2) A group of
people hastilyand haphazardly formed after encountering a
problem and before applying the standard procedure. See
PROBLEM (3) A group commissioned, but deliberately
unconvened, in an attempt to givea a steamrolled decision an aura
of democratic respectability (4.) A group whose function is to
rubber stamp decisions of higher authority
CONSULT To give counsel at a safe distance from home base, for a fee that
would embarrass a car salesman.
CONSULTANT One who learns enough of a business with the owner's help so that
he can appear knowledgeable when he sells his services to the
CONSULTING A profitable sideline which takes preference over the activities for
whichone is ostensibly employed, Tenure makes It honest. See
CO-OPERATE (1) What you should do for my convenience and benefit, (2)
Unquestioned, absolute obedience
COORDINATE You do all the work
DEDICATED A term of approbation for a person who gives up his personal and
family life putting forth his best efforts for the benefit of others who
neither deserve nor appreciate it. He Is also expected to accept less
compensation for his labors than non-dedicated persons.
DON'T MAKE WAVES A thinly veiled threat, encountered when one discloses that he is
wise to some questionable, unethical or crooked circumstance. It
means, "Don't spoil my racket;"
EASY See SIMPLE
EMERGENCY (1) A transparent plea to justify convenience for one by
inconvenience to another, A much overworked and abused tern; a
single-word supplication assumed to guarantee a license to use other
people. (2) The natural consequence of mixing procrastination and
willful stupidity (3) A condition manufactured by some malignant
bastard so that he can feed his warped ego on the sight of somebody
of worth having to jump through hoops in a situation that he
ENGLISH The official language of the United States. It has a peculiarity, in that
among the Intelligentsia, even the most basic, blunt, and vehement
form does not register when the recipient chooses otherwise,
FACULTY Adults, at least physically, occupying the positions and taking the pay
of college professors, 20% of whom do 80% of the work, and 80%
of whom do 100% of the complaining.
FALL GUY A necessary slot in an organization. It falls to him to Implement
decisions that are made with no regard for reality, and to take the
brunt when they backfire.
FREE It's worth exactly what It costs
GIFT An article donated for the purpose of tax write-off by the donor. It
becomes obvious why it is a gift when you attempt to use It. See
GOODFELLOW One who will hold still for a routine hosing, Status is lost upon
failure to properly appreciate It
HELP OUT You do 90% of the work. Somebody else gets 100% of the credit.
I'LL BRING IT RIGHT BACK I'll bring It back If and when I get damned good and ready. See
INDEPENDENT STUDY A student pursues a line of inquiry of his own Interest for credit
under the guidance of a professor, who, after accepting the
responsibility, makes a fast lateral pass transferring the actual work to
another professor. See WE
JOB DESCRIPTION A pretty piece of fiction. When you try to adhere to It, you are In big
trouble, yet you are held accountable to it.
KANGAROO A reprehensible but prevalent practice, by people incapable of honest
deed or thought. A sure way ,to get kangarood is to say the truth. See
LOAN To allow the temporary use of an object by the party from whom it
was stolen In the first place
MEETING (1) An instrument of torture designed to punish the Industrious. A
marathon of excruciating boredom. (2) A hypothetical residence of
one whose secretary will front for him (3) A gathering to
democratically settle issues in agreement with previous decisions of
NO PROBLEM Contraction of THAT'S NO PROBLEM
NO SWEAT See THAT'S NO PROBLEM
OLD BUDDY One who had better keep his back to the wall See GOODFELLOW
PRIORITY A term used by one who tries to convince others that he warrants
special privilege. See EMERGENCY, RUSH JOB
PROBLEM Any difficulty. Its future solution is universally assured by the simple
expedient of putting a name on paper.
RESEARCH (l) A year or so of hell week to entitle one to join the fraternity, to the
detriment of potentially useful lines of scholastic endeavor (2) An
unearned penance Imposed by power without principle (3) A program
designed to make faculty look good on somebody else's effort.
RUSH JOB A job of alleged paramount importance that must be done right now. It
supersedes all other rush jobs, and of course, it will itself in turn be
superseded. See EMERGENCY
SIMPLE An attribute of a task given by one who hasn't tried it
STAFF CHAIRMAN (1) Whipping boy for the machinations of higher authority. The
nominees turn in the barrel. Copremia Is an occupational hazard. It is
inconceivable that anyone In his right mind would want the job, much
less live in paranoid fearof losing it. (2) A natural niche for a power-mad
petty tyrant (3) A self-anointed tin god that requires periodic human
STUDY TRIP Academic business trip. See BUSINESS TRIP
TAKE A LOOK AT IT It Is already decided that you will have to do it, somehow
TENURE Academic welfare
THAT'S NO PROBLEM A reassuring statement by a high authority who has no knowledge of the
Inherent complexities of the situation
TRIVIAL See SIMPLE
TRUTH The attribute of a blatantly obvious state of affairs that must not be said
out loud, or horror of horrors, put in print
URGENT See PRIORITY
VOLUNTEER Same as military definition
WE A term used when one volunteers work for another
WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY FOR... (l) An excuse for not doing something that the
administration doesn't like (2) The preface to a scheme
in which the thing is to be done anyway, operating on the principle that if
enough other people are inconvenienced, it will get done, somehow (3)
We do have the money, but it is kept hidden so that it can be miraculously
"found" at a time that affords the most credit to the administrator.
WE'LL CONSIDER IT Within 48 hours It will be re-Issued as - - my idea
YOU'RE IN CHARGE See COORDINATE